Comedy (good or bad, offensive or sensitive, well thought out bits or a drunken rant) comprises the main portion of my life. Add to that a handful of spices, a splash of Johnny Walker Black (Let's be honest, Clan Mcgregor), and a mountain of horrible/amazing decisions, and you get my life in a nutshell. But hey, that's most of America, right? No wonder the world loves us...ha.

"MWAHAHAHA! " -Devil

"MWAHAHAHA! " -Devil

Even the weeping angels hate fuckboys.

Even the weeping angels hate fuckboys.

(Source: sadgirl1017)

I hope bullshitandbacon puts a bondage nerdatorium in his new house.

" I’machoke’ this shit outta you, girl "

(Source: eazypunk)

(Source: dylansmole)

catsfurever:

justsaynope:

catsfurever:

“get in the kitchen” jokes

image

barbie should get back in the kitchen and cook up some sicker burns

image

I thought that said “sticky buns” at first.

Now I want sticky buns.

(Source: twinkwhisperer)

When we were kids, my friend Dave would shake the card and, if there was no money inside, he would discard it without a second thought.

When we were kids, my friend Dave would shake the card and, if there was no money inside, he would discard it without a second thought.

This is Clara. She’s my…carer; She cares so I don’t have to.

—The Doctor

Apparently Sia loves cock.

In context to my own life that’s a hella awkward statement.

Apparently Sia loves cock.

In context to my own life that’s a hella awkward statement.

(Source: chickenclubsandwich)